Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. ~Norman Cousins A significant part of the grieving process is a relearning/recreating of ourselves. Loss is often described as ‘shattering’, that is, as if we ourselves have shattered as truly as a dinner plate on a … Read More
What matters is not what life does to you but rather what you do with what life does to you. ~ Edgar Jackson Death is a choiceness event. Death happens to those we love and we have no choice about how or when. The result, however, is an often overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Nothing feels … Read More
Dear Jerry, Oh my… I’m so sorry. I meant to write this letter last week but the time just got away on me. I know that’s not a great excuse but it’s the only one I have. As both your friend and a grief counsellor, I promised you I’d write out some thoughts every week … Read More
Dear Jerry, I just got your message saying that your dad had died. I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how tough this is for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me. Unfortunately, I only got your message this morning as I’ve been away in the mountains — intentionally … Read More
If you’ve been following (and hopefully reading) Suddenly Single Survival Guide for a while, you will have noticed that some of my posts are to the page Mourning Minutes. As of today, there are 20 short readings on that page. Gradually more will be added. Mourning Minutes was inspired by the participants in a bereavement … Read More
On a brisk September Saturday morning, I hurried downtown. My mission? The Word on the Street Festival, a yearly event hosted by the Lethbridge Public Library. I particularly wanted to hear Sharon Butala, having recently read her book Where I live Now: A Journey through Love and Loss to Healing and Hope — remembering my … Read More
“A person can be courageous and at the same time have doubts. Courage and doubt can coexist.” — Barbara R. Wheeler (When a Spouse Dies: What I didn’t Know about Helping Myself and Others Through Grief.) A common quote links fear and courage saying that fear gives courage wings. But, perhaps a better link, particularly when grieving, … Read More
“Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” — Paul Tillich Often after a loss we retreat into ourselves, we struggle with those around us who simply do not ‘get it’. Our friends and family want us to be better quickly and we can’t — so we avoid their … Read More
“Loss has taught me that the death of a spouse or partner affects every aspect of the day.” — Barbara R. Wheeler, DSW Barbara R. Wheeler, the author of this slim volume (so slim, I struggled to find it in the library’s hold section) spent her career teaching future clinical social workers. As a therapist … Read More
“Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.” — Sue Monk Kidd One of my favourite phrases is Shakespeare’s “Give Sorrow Words”. Without words, heart ache is just that — ache, physical pain. But when we speak or write, we breath life into … Read More
“You are remembered in love. You are part of the now in me. All the good, all the love, all the comfort a person can give.” — Gerald Dicker You are part of the now in me. After saying goodbye to a beloved partner, memories weave in and out of our minds and hearts, sometimes as … Read More
“It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do.” ― Elbert Hubbard Popular wisdom states that we shouldn’t make important, life-changing, decisions during the first year after a major loss. Sometimes, however, doing so is impossible and decisions have to be made. Lean on … Read More
