The primary focus of this website is to help widows – recent or not so recent – deal with the loss that they’ve experienced.
So what exactly are we dealing with?
Well, we know that the loss of a loved one has both biological and psychological effects on a person, that can be difficult for a period of time. And, that period of time can seem long when you’re going through it.
Physically, it can affect your sleep, your appetite, and how your whole body feels. Psychologically, we know that there’s an impact on your mood – feeling blue, sad, lonely, or perhaps even angry. In both cases, some of these affects will be immediate and some may linger for longer than you want.
How do finances fit into all of this?
The reality is in almost all cases, the loss of a spouse has a swift, and often negative impact on widows. And, it can also contribute to the overall way a person feels. Feeling comfortable and confident about your financial position goes a long way towards reducing stress levels in your life which, in turn, will make it easier to process and improve any other impacts your loss has had on your life. The opposite is also true. Feeling uncertainty about your financial situation will only add to your stress levels and make it more difficult to move through the grieving process.
That is what I help you with. If you’re feeling a lot of uncertainty about your financial affairs, I’ll get you pointed in the right direction and help you eliminate that uncertainty. If you’re reasonably confident in managing your finances, but have some concerns about navigating through the decision making in front of you without a partner, I’ll help answer the questions you may be facing and provide useful information to guide you through steps you need to take to move forward. My goal is to help you move forward from whatever financial position you’re in and give you the tools to make sound decisions going forward.
The Financial Impact on Widows
The financial impact of widowhood is immediate. There are noticeable declines in financial well-being within one year of being widowed and even more so going 5 years and beyond.
Despite increased participation in the workforce, we know that widowhood remains a risk factor for moving to a lower economic level. By that I mean that following the loss of a spouse, regardless of the couple’s prior financial status, the widow’s position will probably move down from where they were previously.
This decline in financial well-being can be because of the loss of their spouse’s income, particularly if the expenses were such that two incomes were required to make ends meet. Perhaps it’s caused by being forced to sell assets (a house, or a business for example) at an inopportune time to payoff debt or expenses, and there are many other reasons. The point is that sometimes these issues can be significant enough to move a person from a position of relative comfort to a position of discomfort or sadly even poverty.
This is particularly true for women widowed at a younger age, because they haven’t had a lifetime to accumulate a comfortable level of assets. One the positive side, they do have time in their favour to recover and improve their situation. However, when this happens in later years, it can be very difficult for senior widows to recover from any financial set back relating to the loss of their spouse. Sadly, when breaking down the demographics of who is living in poverty, elderly widowed women represent a significant portion of that group.
Another variable in the equation is life expectancy. On the whole, people are living longer than ever before and as you know, women typically live longer than men. Women live longer and live alone longer than men. Planning for a retirement that could be 20 or 30 years in length on your own can be a daunting thought.
During that first year, the financial reality of being suddenly single sets in. It can be intimidating for the person who hasn’t taken an active role in financial decision making. Even for those who had an active role (or were the household’s financial manager), opening bank statements, etc. is just another reminder of the loss of their spouse, reinforcing the feeling of loss.
So, regardless of your financial position and regardless of the age at which a person is widowed, we know that there will be financial stressors for at least some period of time.
The Link Between Finances and Mental Health
OK, so widowhood creates some financial stress. But you’ll muddle through and adjust and everything will go on and eventually things will be okay, right?
Well, maybe so, but during that time frame – which can be longer than one might think – those increased stressors can affect your mental health, which in turn can prolong the time it takes to recover both from your feelings of loss and in your financial situation.
It’s really important to understand that financial well-being has a close association with your overall mental well-being. In fact, increased financial stress can lead to an increase in the incidence of depression, anxiety, unhealthy substance use, and other mental health issues. Layering all of that on top of someone who is already emotionally fragile only makes a tough situation worse.
Self-care
I want you to start thinking about managing your finances as part of your overall self-care.
Health experts define self-care as those things you do in life to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. Things like regular physical activity, getting enough sleep, eating well, and generally taking care of your body lead to a feeling of physical wellness. Maintaining relationships with friends and family, taking time to relax, meditate or pray, exercising your mind through stimulating activities like reading, or artistic endeavours all play a role in mental and emotional wellness. Having a firm footing in your financial affairs will also help your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
Financial self-care involves choosing to be in control and every aspect of your life that requires money. In involves educating yourself and adopting healthy financial practices. It may require taking some immediate short-term measures. It will definitely need planning for the long-term. Ultimately, by doing so your physical needs are met and you’ll achieve peace of mind – what I call the “sleep-well-at-night” factor. Doing so will make it easier to have a healthy life emotionally, mentally, and physically.
It’s all about choices
We’re going to put you in the driver’s seat. This might not be a position your comfortable with. Or, you may be comfortable with it, but you preferred having your co-pilot beside you. Either way, using the tools that I will provide you over time, you’ll soon be completely comfortable managing all the financial aspects of your life on your own.
You’ll be able to make the choices that suit you best. Choices that are congruent with who you are and where you want to be in life. You’ll be able to make choices that make you feel secure and confident when navigating the various aspects of your personal finances. Ultimately, by taking positive steps and making good decisions financially, not only will you improve our financial position but you’ll be doing yourself a HUGE favour in terms of your own mental (and ultimately physical) well-being.
So I invite you to visit this website and blog regularly going forward. My sister Ruth will be providing lots of great information to help you move through the grieving process of your loss. I’ll be be helping you get a firm footing on all things financial in your life. Together, our goal is to see you in a much brighter space a year down the road. And we’re looking forward to that journey.
